truth box:

I'm going to be a bitter, angry girl for a very long time.

just 'cause it's easy.

Truth box:

I hope you can stop fighting so much, learn to appreciate people for their positive traits, and accept their negative ones. It's amazing how much you can tolerate someone who is "annoying" when you go without friends for a little while.

You act like such hard-asses, but I know you're just hurting a lot and want to take everyone else down with you. You're making the world a worse place to live in, and I want no part of it. 

I wish I could have made you better. 

I wish I could have made you succeed. 

I wish I could run into you again. 

a wish

The other day I learned in my Classical Myth class that Zeus was commonly thought of as a protective father, a law-enforcer, and an unfaithful husband. How is that okay? 

College is getting easier. It's not so scary once you get used to doing it. I'm really excited for this weekend. I'll be in Muncie tomorrow to hang out with Ryan/Brad/pretty much everyone else. And then Friday I'm going to the football game to see the guard and then Tulo and Shawn are coming to stay. 

the oats we sow,
they could seed on forever with nowhere to grow
but the heart, we know,
when it's askin its exact twin it will not be alone

The neighborhood is bleeding.

College is scary and hard. I never know exactly what I'm supposed to be reading/doing/writing down. And I don't really know why I'm doing all of it because I don't even know what I want to do. But at least I got some basketball shorts 2 for $10.

I have to stop giving up so much.

take it easy, love nothing.

Last night, Kaela, Veronica, Amanda, John, Brad, Nick, Bryan, Ryan, Cody, and I went to thirteen graves to hunt. I didn't really see anything. Actually, the night was pretty awful until the end. Today, I got up at noon, took the boys home, went to piano, picked up Kara, played guitar with Ryan, and started on my homework. It was all very exhausting.

No matter how cliche it sounds, I finally understand that we all want something or someone we can not have. We settle for someone who can lessen the loneliness, but we are never truly happy with the decisions we have made. Society would not function if all the citizens followed their dreams. Families would not exist if everyone followed his or her heart. 

I'm a big girl now.

Today was my first day of college. It wasn't very hard. I had a lot of friends there, and I only had one class. But I speculate that tomorrow will be much different. I have three classes. I'm mostly excited about my Greek Mythology class. AND I got a guitar. I'm going to be the next Katy Perry. I'm so tired I'm using nothing but simple sentences.

Goodnight all.

menarebetterthanwomen.com

As much as I'd like to say I disagree with this website, I have to admit that most of what Dick says is true. Most women are insecure and will do almost anything for attention. Most women will use their bodies to get what they want [money, cars, diamonds, food, etc.] In fact, most women will do almost anything to get something they want. For example, my mother is still punishing my father vicariously through me because of alimony. Most women feel like they shouldn't be discriminated against because they are fat or ugly, but discriminate against other women if they are fat or ugly. Most women will give away personal information for a candy bar. Let's just face it, I probably would. Most women are catastrophically emotional, myself included. And the end of the world will probably start with some woman putting on mascara while driving or trying to get herself further in the business world by having sex with some rich dude in a pile of money, dually creating a superhuman-standard std and the best way to spread it all over the united states of greed.

So in essence, I hate myself, women, men, and everyone in between!


: ]

It's the lovin' lives we long for.

A man in a hotel room, tangled to his teeth by the telephone.
He's waiting on a woman, wondering what she's doing,
And pacing so his pulse won't slow.
He drums his legs and pulls his hair; he carves her dimples in the air.
The raging world has spooked him scared, and he don't want her lost out there.
So now it's later than it needs to be,
And though his aching eyes want sleep,
Against all rationality,
Against everything he believes,
He prays for her protection,
Heaven bound & glory be.
I pray for your protection,
Heaven bound & glory be.

Adventures in Hallucinations

At about ten o'clock this evening I was home alone treating my staph, and I heard people in the apartment. So I thought Amanda came home. When I said her name she didn't answer. This realization caused me to call her to see if she left again, and she promptly informed me that she hadn't come back. So I flipped OUT. After locking myself in the bathroom [with heidi of course] amanda raced home. I had to wait for twenty minutes in the shower with both my doors locked and pepperspray in hand. I kept calling my dad and her, and I was crying I was so scared. I continued to hear banging around on stuff and knocking on my door. Eventually, Amanda arrived and hit the buzzer, and someone from inside unlocked the door for her. Amanda and I then ensued our search through the apartment, and we both had our pepperspray one y chromosome away from use. We looked around and couldn't find anyone. So we reasoned that they had gone through the air vent. 


Basically, I could quite possibly be hallucinating because of the medicine I'm taking.

You weave gracefully, gracefully weave

Yes, I have staph. I'm falling apart.

Following through our earlier promises for the summer, Amanda, Kara, Heidi, and I went to kara's pool to sun bathe and read Cosmopolitan. We took lots of pictures. Then Ryan and Veronica came over to get some donuts and sit on the circle. It was beautiful outside tonight.





I think I write in my real journal less when I write in my livejournal. I should fix that.

So I can keep on stompin' in mah air onez.

I've started losing track of what day it is. That is either a good or bad sign.

I stayed at Skot's last night with Beerad and Ninja Nick. The night before, Tulo, Shawn, and MAH stayed at my apartment. I'm not a hoe! It's really nice to just hang out with a bunch of boys and being silly and laughing at silly things most girls would find immature. I've almost finished Breaking Dawn. Today, I bought two different kinds of polaroid cameras so I could start the whole polaroid-a-day thing. Sleeping and reading is consuming my life. I'm going to get up early and exercise or something so I don't feel like an ultra fail. I also got to see my good friend Nick today after not seeing him for seven whole months! We went to the bodies exhibit at the mall and found out it was 22 dollaz so we just backed out slowly. Now I'm going to go write a thank you note to Bart for getting us an end table.


Look what we bought for the apartment:





funny right?

Once Again.

Chad, Marshall, and Zach stayed at my apartment for a few days while they were in town. It was very fun, but somewhat disturbing to see how boys act when they're comfortable. Tuesday was my last day at coldstone. It feels awesome being unemployed. Tomorrow I'm going to the state fair. 






You made me feel special for a little while, and I lived in denial of the situation between the two of us. Why do I keep doing this to myself?