post-warped wrap-up

The day was off to a rough start. I had trouble sleeping last night, and we all woke up late this morning. Naturally, we didn't know what to wear. The employee at fye didn't give Kara her ticket, he gave her the receipt. So I had to buy her a new one. By the time we got in, I missed the first ten minutes of 3OH!3 and was quite upset about it. The rest of the afternoon wasn't too exciting. I saw Confide, Sky Eats Airplane, and Forever The Sickest Kids. That was a pretty insane set. We then saw All Time Low and The Audition. We always love ATL and had been waiting to see The Audition for 10 years or so, so that was great. My favorite set was by far Motion City Soundtrack. I managed to work my way to the rail and was fighting off the crowd-surfers somewhat successfully. It was amazing to see them still be really excited to play. And they played My Favorite Accident, which made my life. So it was a good day all in all. Last night, I got to go to Terre Haute to my high school's band camp. I missed those girls so much. I miss performing, too. 



I have to believe I can feel good,
good will come out, 

I can be alone, yeah.

Ultimately, boys have only caused me heartache, pain, annoyance, sickness, anxiety, and self-doubt. Ultimately, boys have cost me time, money, great opportunities, self-esteem, and my sanity. I have been alone for a long time. I have been taking care of myself for a long time. Why must I continually give these important aspects of my life to those who don't deserve them? After several years of these mistakes, I've finally learned my lesson the hard way. Thinking about being in a relationship not only scares me, but it repulses me. My natural instinct has now turned into ruining relationships before they start by telling my suitors some stupid excuse or just ignoring them. I have tried to force myself to change this habit, but now I have gotten to the point where I don't even want to alter this behavior. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to waste my time anymore. I definitely can't afford to waste money anymore. I want to learn, help people, make music, and have fun. I won't let being alone cause me to feel any worse about myself, and I won't let any other person affect my happiness. I will only trust and depend on God. So until he leads me to someone that can prove me wrong, I don't believe that relationships work or will have a positive impact on my life. And until someone can prove me wrong, I won't feel jealous of the couple having a picnic on the canal. I won't wish I had someone to watch The Lion King with. I won't wait for someone to visit me at work. I have my own life, my alone life, and I will be much more satisfied with it.

This has been one of the most eventful weeks of my life. Living here has been amazing. I finally feel comfortable coming home, and although it's not the home I am waiting for, it's a step in the right direction. We have had many adventures so far:
-all the spiders and centipedes Amanda and I have had to vacuum up
-walking on the canal at all hours of the night and not getting kidnapped [in color]
-playing Magic with Alex
-sitting on the circle
-making ridiculous dinners with Amanda
-solving Kara's boy crisis
-getting DD with Melissa during Expo [big mistake]
-dyeing my hair with Amanda and Jon
-seeing hot water shoot out of our espresso machine
-sitting on the hill and listening to kevin devine at sunset and being a big cheez ball
-sleeping in until whenever I wake up
-getting lost and almost mugged with Ryan
-playing mad gab with Nathan, Skot, Brad, and Alex
-staying up all night with Tulo and Shawn
-watching too much Arrested Development with Kaela and Amanda
-thinking of all the amazing things that are happening to me right now, and only being completely overwhelmed, haggard, and spazzy the majority of the time as opposed to all of the time.




p.s. I'm still not over you.

July 16th, 2008

I was going to be your queen.
But- you beheaded me.

God, My God

Where have you been?

Hey, come back to me.

We were young and learning.
Steady hearts hate turning.
That's where we went wrong.




Amanda, Kara, and I just walked around the canal for the first time since I've moved in. I saw someone I really could have done without seeing. But at least now Ryan is coming to hang out and we can watch Greek.

Truth box.

Sometimes I think you like me.

Movin' on up

Today, I am moving out of my house. I figured that statement was epic enough so I need not elaborate too much. But! This is the plan for the day: 1. Meet Amandee at the G of CC at 9:15 to sign the lease and get the keys. 2. Move my life in. 3. Possibly walk to the Indians' game. 4. Bro down.

Yesterday Amanda got in the car and I realized I couldn't get the door open, and I came to another realization that the car we were getting into was not mine. We're crazy. 




Look what I found the other day:

July 11th, 2008

I wanted to make a nice post about my feelings about moving out, growing up, etc.
But I can't do that because all I can think about is a band having the audacity to post a bulletin about us from their myspace that was full of blatant lies and loaded language.
I generally don't care what people think of us because most people hate us anyway. But to think that after we had a GOOD show, where the touring bands were paid and had an AMAZING time, we STILL can't get any respect. And I'm tired of working so hard in order to just get completely disrespected in return.

And on top of all this, of ALL THIS, he was talking to both her and me about how cute we were. And how pretty our eyes were. And how amazing we were. And I looked at old messages from someone else. And i just couldn't stand it. The plastic words were so desperate but so fake and it was too late for them, and it just made me sick. And I want to say all of this to you but i think if i ever speak to you or see you i might be inclined to physically hurt you.

So yes. At this current moment in time there are four males in this world that I don't hate with every fiber of my being.