I can be alone, yeah.

Ultimately, boys have only caused me heartache, pain, annoyance, sickness, anxiety, and self-doubt. Ultimately, boys have cost me time, money, great opportunities, self-esteem, and my sanity. I have been alone for a long time. I have been taking care of myself for a long time. Why must I continually give these important aspects of my life to those who don't deserve them? After several years of these mistakes, I've finally learned my lesson the hard way. Thinking about being in a relationship not only scares me, but it repulses me. My natural instinct has now turned into ruining relationships before they start by telling my suitors some stupid excuse or just ignoring them. I have tried to force myself to change this habit, but now I have gotten to the point where I don't even want to alter this behavior. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to waste my time anymore. I definitely can't afford to waste money anymore. I want to learn, help people, make music, and have fun. I won't let being alone cause me to feel any worse about myself, and I won't let any other person affect my happiness. I will only trust and depend on God. So until he leads me to someone that can prove me wrong, I don't believe that relationships work or will have a positive impact on my life. And until someone can prove me wrong, I won't feel jealous of the couple having a picnic on the canal. I won't wish I had someone to watch The Lion King with. I won't wait for someone to visit me at work. I have my own life, my alone life, and I will be much more satisfied with it.