This week has been hectic. I have been all over the state. Thursday, Amanda, Kaela, and I went to Bloomington and hung out with Skot and his crazy friends. It was really fun staying up all night and becoming best friends with him. Friday, I had my piano lesson. Then Nathan, Kristen, Colleen, Kaela, and I went to First Friday. I always feel like people are judging me there. Saturday, Tulo and Shawn came over and watched all of season four of The Office. I was real upset at the end that Jim didn't propose to Pam. I even went home today and helped Dad cut the grass, since everyone else in my family has hurt their back. I got to take a nap there too. Now Amanda and I are going to clean my room since it is practically a hot tranny mess.
I don't think I can allow myself to be important to someone. Although I welcome and appreciate help from my friends, being seen as more than that almost makes me uncomfortable. I want more than anything for this to be false, but it's too engrained in my nature to shy away from the attention. And it doesn't help that often when I become accustomed to and dependent on this kind of attention, it leaves just as fast as it came. I just need someone to prove me wrong.
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